I do not like going to the movies by myself. It’s true. I believe the distaste for doing so began when I saw 27 Dresses by myself on a Friday night—I know, I know, that was just plain stupid. I remember feeling like a lonely loser, only, at the time, I had a boyfriend. He refused to see the movie and I said, “Fine, I’ll go alone.” That was the first and last time I went to a movie by myself. That is, until tonight.
Sitting in my apartment, I realized I had run out of things to do. Nap? Check. Eat? Check. Watch horrible Irish soap operas? Check. Do some Facebook stalking (oh, come on people, we all do it)? Check, check, check. I had a sudden craving to watch something American, and seeing as I do not have a DVD player here, I realized I would have to go to the cinema. So, just like I would at home, I threw a bottle of water and a package of gummies into my purse and headed out to watch Just Go With It. It felt good to see the familiar faces of Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston. The movie ended up being quite good, actually. Completely predictable, but that’s how I like it. I sat in the theater, feeling comfortable with being by myself. After the movie, I slowly meandered in the direction of my apartment, enjoying the brisk spring evening. As I lifted my face to the sky, I closed my eyes and realized something—I am at peace here.
My brother said to me once, “You can’t stand to be alone. You can’t stand to just sit with your thoughts.” For so long, this was very true. I have always kept myself extremely busy, often times spreading myself too thin. And, in many ways, I think that this was a way of running away from myself—go so fast that you can’t stop to process your thoughts. Coming to Ireland Ireland Europe to “find myself,” but, like it or not, these experiences do tend to lead one down the road of self-discovery. And then I remember my family and friends back home. Being alone is so much easier when you know that you have an incredible support group like I do.
It turns out seeing a movie solo is not so bad, after all.
Oh my goodness...I literally have a tear in my eye from this post. I am so proud of you, words cannot express. Self-discovery comes to us when we least expect it. I love you dearly!
ReplyDeleteyou mentioned in an earlier post that you didn't go to Ireland to find another America. I feel like you going solo allowed you to open yourself to the experience compeletely. A friend,roomate or husband, any familiar face would only bring you back to the routine you had developed in the states. Good for you Holly.
ReplyDeleteI too went through this experience last year. Once I graduated in December I lived in my apartment with no cable. I have a roomate, but he was always gone at school/work. At first I could feel my mind racing with boredom, almost causing anxiety attacks. But then you start to find things to occupy your time with that enhances your time more than facebook and t.v.
Over the summer I lived alone, cooked alone, and ate alone. I can remember a time when I would call people to go eat with because I absolutely hated eating alone. Now, I enjoy my 20 minutes of solitude at my tiny kitchen table. But I will say one thing; solitude is much harder in the winter. You are forced to stay inside where there is ntohing to do but watch t.v. and attempt to stay warm. Good thing the weather isn't horrible where you are at!